August 29, 2021

Ruth 1:1-18

Rev. Kristen J. Kleiman

“Do not press me to leave you

or to turn back from following you!

Where you go, I will go;

where you lodge, I will lodge;

your people shall be my people,

and your God my God. (Ruth 1:16)

This passage is often read at weddings because of its message of love and devotion. However it’s not a passage about a wedding couple, it’s a passage about a mother-in-law and her devoted daughter-in-law.

If you have ever read this very short book of the Bible – only 4 pages long, you know that Ruth faithfully journeys with her mother-in-law and faithfully follows her advice. If you have never read the story of Ruth, let me tell you, that listening to Naomi ends very well for Ruth. Ruth remarries and despite being a Moabite, a foreigner and not a Jew, Ruth has a son who becomes the grandfather of King David and the great-great-great, etc grandfather of Jesus the Christ.

Ruth is definitely a devoted daughter-in-law, and as pastor Dr. Kenneth Haugk says, Ruth is also a healing person. In his booklets for those journeying through the grieving process, Dr. Haugk writes that, “Healing people are:

• [H] Here for you when you need them. They’re willing to be with you and make time for you. They know that their presence is one of the greatest gifts they can give.
• [E] Empathetic. No one else can truly understand what you’re feeling. But people with empathy will do their best to understand and to let some of your pain touch them.
• [A] Accepting. They don’t judge you, try to change you, or tell you what you should do or how you should think or feel.
• [L] Listening. They really focus on what you have to say. They let you share your feelings and know how important it is for you to tell your story again and again.” (Journeying through Grief, Book Three, Finding Hope and Healing, Kenneth C. Haugk, pg 11)

In a perfect world, we would all be healing people. When someone we loved was diagnosed with cancer or a chronic disease, would that we could just sit quietly with them and let them pour out all their feelings over and over again.

For those who are grieving – whether the loss was recent or decades ago, it would be so healing if we could just be with them, not offering any cheery phrases -like time will heal all wounds or God needed another angel.

In a perfect world, we would all be healing people-here, empathetic, accepting, listening – willing to walk with others through the dark and lonely times, letting some of their pain touch us.

That is actually the meaning of the word compassion. Compassion comes from two Latin words – “pati and cum, meaning ‘to suffer with.’” Compassion means being willing to suffer with, to sit with those who are grieving, to journey with those going through divorce, addiction, crisis, and let some of their pain touch us. (The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown, pg 24)

As Brene Brown shares though, “compassion is [not] our default response. [She writes] I think our first response to pain-ours or someone else’s-is to self-protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame. Or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgment or by immediately going into fix-it mode.” (The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown, pg 24)

Over my years of ministry, I have sadly heard over and over again stories of people who were looking for a healing person to sit with them in their grief – their grief over the death of a loved one, their grief over the loss of their own health or a loved one’s health – people who were looking for some loving-kindness and instead were brushed off with platitudes or even “ghosted” by family and friends who choose to protect themselves from the pain.

Offering compassion, being willing to share someone’s pain, is not our default response. Compassion is a choice we make. Compassion is a spiritual practice, a daily spiritual practice. Compassion is an act we practice with ourselves so we can practice it with others. As Pema Chodron, a writer and American Tibetan Buddhist says, “Compassion is knowing your darkness well enough that you can sit in the dark with others.” (Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice, Brene Brown, 1:54:49)

“Compassion is knowing your darkness well enough that you can sit in the dark with others.” Again, as Brene Brown writes, that is not our default response nor is it our understanding of compassion. In her talk, Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice, Brene says:

so many times what we think of compassion is -… ‘I see you and you’re suffering’ so the first thing I’m going to do is flip on as many lights as I can flip on. That’s not about being compassionate with you. That’s about my own discomfort of sitting in the dark with you.” (Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice, Brene Brown, 1:55:05)

Compassion is being willing to sit and listen, with no judgment or fix-it solutions. Compassion is being willing to share someone’s pain, no matter how uncomfortable or scary. “Compassion is knowing your darkness well enough that you can sit in the dark with others.” Compassion is a spiritual practice, a daily choice we make.

Compassion is Ruth hearing Naomi’s words, Naomi’s bitterness, her perfectly reasonable explanations for why Ruth and Orpah should walk away and leave her to her misery and grief.

Compassion is Ruth hearing all of that and simply saying to Naomi:

“Do not press me to leave you

or to turn back from following you!

Where you go, I will go;

where you lodge, I will lodge;

your people shall be my people,

and your God my God. (Ruth 1:16)

They are words of love and devotion, and they are also words of compassion. They are words in which Ruth says to Naomi – yes, life would be so much easier if I went back to my parents’ home and started over, pretending like we had not both suffered loss. Yes, life would be easier if I walked away from you and your sorrow and pain. Yes, life would be easier if I did not take this journey with you into the unknown. However, I choose you. I choose to sit in the darkness with you. I choose to walk in the darkness with you. Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God [shall be] my God. (Ruth 1:16)

Ruth is what compassion looks like. You are what compassion looks like. Whenever we are willing to breathe through our fears, wrestle with our discomfort, and sit in the darkness with someone else’s grief and pain; whenever we are willing to embody God’s presence with our presence, offering support and loving-kindness to someone in need, that is when we fulfill Jesus’ words to love God and to love our neighbors. That is when we live out the Christian calling to “love one another, because love is from God;” (1 John 4:7) That is when we most closely follow Jesus – who showed us through the cross his willingness to suffer with and because of us.

Compassion and loving-kindness. Being willing to sit in the dark and embody God’s love. This is how we live the way of Jesus Christ, building God’s kingdom and healing the world.